The Annual Christmas Tree Rant

It’s time for what seems to be becoming my annual Christmas tree rant. I was going to try to avoid the rant this year but sometimes the insanity of our culture just drives me more insane.

This year the Grinch, in collaboration with Scrooge, has stooped to a new low. I was watching TV recently when an ad for Christmas trees popped up. Not real trees that grow on farms and nurseries in Vermont, New York and Canada, but trees that the ad would lead you to believe grow in some fantasy land where plastic and meta needles actually “grow” on branches and turn into this magnificent Christmas tree. In dropping to new depths, the advertisement shows the needles emerging and growing on this fake tree. They actually have the audacity to call it “True Needle” and it’s handcrafted and comes with a 10-year “foliage guarantee.” Oh, the wonders of advertising. And did I mention that one of these fake trees that you store in the attic will set you back only about 700 bucks for just over 7 feet of fakery?

Now if you read this column with any regularity you’ve noticed in the past 40 or so years that I’m a big supporter of real, live—even if cut down—Christmas trees. As a nice Jewish boy from the North Shore of Long Island, Christmas trees were things that other people had until I became a partner in an interfaith marriage that joyfully came with the need for a Christmas tree that I would happily buy every year. Atop the tree perched an angel holding a sign proclaiming “Shalom Y’all.” In earlier years I would buy a balled and burlapped tree at Lynch’s Garden Center in Southampton, haul it to my Shinnecock Hills home and keep it in the house for only a week before it had to go back outside and get planted. We did this seven or eight years in a row and as part of the tradition the trees were planted on the Southampton College campus, where they still survive, topping out at well over 25 feet tall.

That part of my life ended as did Southampton College and my marriage. But I wasted no time, remarried on Christmas Eve and for the past 25 years we’ve had a cut tree. I pick it up from a guy who sells them nearby, and for about 50 bucks I get a gorgeous 7- to 8-foot tree that adorns the dining room for a couple of weeks. It looks great, smells wonderful and I know that some farmer in Vermont made his living growing my tree and thousands of others.

So I support a farmer in Vermont and the guy down the street who sells the tree. After Christmas I cut up the tree and use the boughs to cover some of my plants in the garden, then in the spring they go through the chipper and get added to the compost pile. Try that with your plastic and metal wonder. Who does that $750 fake tree with fake needles and the needle guarantee support? Maybe some factory in China spewing toxic waste into the environment?

So, getting a live tree this year? There are lots of options, from locally grown trees that you can cut yourself, to cut trees that the local garden centers stock, to the mass market trees at the big box stores. But there are a few other live tree options—really, really live trees. I’ve always pushed the balled and burlapped trees since you can plant them in your landscape right after the holidays, but there is another option along the same theme: the pot-grown tree. For years you’ve been able to find Alberta spruces in pots from 2 feet tall up to 6 and 7 feet. These are nice trees but don’t have the open habit that allows you to fill them with decorations. But I’ve seen some nice spruces, including blue spruces in 5-gallon and larger pots that make nice Christmas trees. From 5- to 7-feet-tall they can run hundreds of dollars, but they look great, smell great, lend themselves to great decorating and then they too get planted outdoors.

Remember that with B&B and potted trees you need to dig your hole now, because after the holidays the ground may be frozen. Dig your hole larger than the size of the pot or the ball, then fill the hole with mulch, hay or leaves, so it’s easy to get your tree in once you move it back outside. Even better if you can take the soil that you took from the hole and stash it in a garage or shed so its soft and usable backfill when you do your planting.

A balled tree can pretty much be eased right into the pre-dug hole but make sure it’s on the high side with the ball never below the soil level. With the pot-grown tree you may have to cut the pot off with a sharp knife then tease the roots a bit so they grow out from the tree and not in circles around it. Make sure the potted tree is also planted on the high side and in either case if the ground isn’t frozen water the trees when planted or when it’s not freezing outside.

These truly living trees can be kept indoors for only about a week and should never be near a fireplace or source of blowing hot air. They will also need periodic watering but so does a cut tree. Cut trees should always be set in a reservoir of water and the reservoir should be filled as long as the tree is indoors. If you cut a couple of inches off the end of the tree trunk before you bring it in—or have this done where you buy it—the tree will be able to absorb more water from the reservoir and will stay fresher longer with little to no needle drop.

And speaking of needle drop, this is a good test to do at the place where you buy your tree. Tap the tree or several branches. If needles drop when the tree is tapped that’s a good sign that the tree is not fresh and should be avoided. You’ll find a really great selection of cut trees and a few B&B as well as potted trees at many of the East End nurseries and garden centers. The selections are great in both color, size and density in a wide range of prices. If you want to cut your own tree try Dart’s Christmas Tree Farm in Southold, Carter Christmas Tree Farm in Miller Place, and Lewin Farms in Wading River.

After the holidays you can recycle your tree right at home. Cut the boughs from the trunk, then they can be used outdoors. The cut boughs are great for holding salt hay and leaf mulches in place and they can also be used around plants like hydrangeas to keep curious and hungry rabbits and deer from having a winter munch.

Pass up the plastic. Get real. Shop locally and have a great time. And of course, keep growing.