Joe Biden’s first day in the Oval Office with his entire cabinet:
Chief of staff: Sir, wake up, nap time isn’t for another three hours. Here are 17 executive orders for you to sign.
Joe Biden: Okey dokey! Work, work, work, work, work, work, work … oh, hello, boys, have a good night? I’ve missed you!
C of S: Sir, just one more bill for you to sign.
Biden: What the hell is this?
C of S: It was just sent over from Congress. It’s called the Green New Deal. It’ll keep the oceans from rising, save the polar bears, and make it illegal for cows to fart.
Biden: Holy underwear! Rising oceans! Unhappy polar bears! farting cows! Gentlemen, we gotta save our phony baloney jobs! We’ve got to do something, immediately, immediately, immediately! Harumpf!
Everyone in unison: Harumpf! Harumpf! Harumpf!
Biden: Hey, I didn’t get a “Harump!” outta that guy!
C of S: You there! Give the new president a “Harumpf!”
Steve Vella
Water Mill
Come and Tell UsWhen Tim Bishop was our congressman, he held numerous town hall meetings with his constituents. They were raucous affairs. Those were the days of the Tea Party, and its members were outraged that the federal government was expanding health care...
A SuggestionI have a suggestion for Craig Catalanotto, who is on record for opposing cross-endorsements and for allegedly switching alliances from Democratic to Republican Party candidates, such as Cyndi McNamara and Stephen Kiely. When the Pine Barrens Commission was in the...
Followed Their LeadWhile I respect the journalistic integrity of The Southampton Press, I disagree with your editorial awarding the Southampton Village Ethics Board a “dunce cap” for Open Meetings Law violations [“Gold Stars and Dunce Caps,” Editorial, July 3]. The Ethics Board...
Shooting WildlyAs a 30-year litigation-scarred veteran of the sand mining/composting wars waged in Southampton Village and Town, I am a proponent of the amortization of sand mines proposed by the town. In our battles, we were up against the “pre-existing use”...
Wonderful TurnoutOn behalf of the Fourth of July Parade Committee and the Southampton Village Commission on Veterans Patriotic Events, I would like to thank the community for such a wonderful turnout for the Fourth of July parade. I would like to...
A More Nimble Plan“It feels like Southampton has lost its soul.” That’s how one local merchant recently described the state of our village business district. Many would agree. Local businesses reported a soft July 4, but a much better July 5 and 6....
A Simpler SolutionIt has taken me a few weeks to respond to the recent “Cup o’ Joe” newsletter, where Executive Editor Joe Shaw ventured onto an editorial limb, venting about village issues, particularly the controversy surrounding Pond Lane. Let’s set the record...
The New StandardThe editorial dunce cap for “creeping authoritarianism” [“Gold Stars and Dunce Caps,” Editorial, July 3] awarded to the president for his anger at the deliberate leak of a premature intelligence assessment by an individual acting solely out of malice in...
