An Author Shares What She's Learned on Her Journey Through Grief

In 2001, Susan Powers lost her husband and her 32-year-old daughter within only a few months of each other.

With her latest book, “Walking on Air: Embracing the Uncertainties of Life,” Powers, a psychotherapist, tells her personal story of traumatic loss with practical tips of how she has learned to “throw love at” her biggest challenges in life, including the addiction of her daughter, Chris, grieving both her daughter and husband’s deaths, divorce, illness — including her father’s Alzheimer’s disease — and becoming an elder. “Walking on Air,” is living by discovery and spontaneity and having the courage to trust in your journey, Powers explained.

On Sunday, November 12, at 2 p.m. Powers will speak about her experiences and her new book in a talk at the John Jermain Memorial Library in Sag Harbor. The event will take place in the lower-level program room and books will be available for sale and inscription.

“It’s helped a number of people,” explained Powers, who moved to Sag Harbor full time during COVID-19. “It’s a practical guide to living and spiritually.”

Powers, originally from Queens, is a clinical psychologist who has been in private practice for more than 40 years in New York City and the East End of Long Island. After receiving her doctorate from Fordham University in the Bronx, she studied Gestalt Synergy with Ilana Rubenfeld on a post-doctoral level. Powers was married to her first husband in graduate school at Fordham while he was training to be a doctor. They had two children, William and Christie, born in 1967 and 1969. Powers taught college courses at the University of San Francisco, then at Hunter College and Concordia in New York.

But by 1979 Powers’ first marriage began to come apart and she moved to the East End where she started her private practice. Powers married her second husband, Bob, in 1991. The couple spent 11 years together and enjoyed being grandparents to her daughter’s two kids, Kaya and China, until Bob fell ill with cancer and died in 2001 at age 62. Her daughter, Chris, died two and a half months later of a heroin addiction.

“While I was dealing with the loss of my husband and my daughter, I remember thinking we’re all walking on air. We just have to learn to walk on air,” she recalled.

After Chris passed away, Powers also found herself in the role of caregiver for both Kaya and China who were age 10 and 6 at the time.

“I played a big role in raising them,” Powers explained, adding that her daughter had been to treatment facilities many times, and died in California. “We grieved together, and it was very healing for the three of us.”

Powers’s son, Bill, who is also a writer, was integral in helping her through the grieving process, giving her the confidence to keep writing and become a published author. She notes that Bill is thriving and lives nearby.

“One of the things that got me through was deciding each morning to do this day. I could only do one day at a time,” Powers said, adding that the first chapters of her newest book focus on tools and mantras for morning decisions. “I developed a philosophy of living. It’s important to set an intention for the day. It starts with wanting to be alive.”

Powers shared that being with people who loved her husband and daughter was instrumental to healing. “I grieved with people who cared,” she said. “As a psychologist, I have a lot of tools and a lot to teach. I’m very open about my own personal story.”

While Dr. Power’s first book, “Ruthless Grieving, the Journey to Acceptant and Beyond,” was written to help readers and her clients recover from traumatic loss, “Walking on Air, Embracing the Uncertainties of Life,” takes readers beyond acceptance of loss through the methods she has found to living a full, rich life. The book is about having an open-hearted approach to life. It provides practical tools for living with loss in uncertain times and embracing the transformative potential of life’s dark side, Powers explained.

“One of the things I learned about grief is the need for expressing grief,” she said. “The way I express my feelings is through writing.”

Powers referred to her method as “throwing love” at the grief and emphasizing the love and the connection one had with an individual.

“It’s focusing on the loving aspects of a divorce, for example,” she said. “Emphasize the positive that you did have during that experience.”

Powers, who is 81, still has wisdom to share and she is currently writing a third book about becoming an elder.

“The best time of my life is now,” said Powers, adding that each decade is her favorite decade, and life gets better with every step. In fact, she met her current partner in her early 70s while swimming at the beach and reports that they’ve been happily together for nine years.

“You don’t get over it,” Powers said of losing people you love. “You get through it. Grieving is learning to accept your loss. It’s true of other losses too, not just death.”

Psychotherapist and author Susan Powers discusses “Walking on Air: Embracing the Uncertainties of Life” on Sunday, November 12, from 2 to 3 p.m. at John Jermain Memorial Library, 201 Main Street, Sag Harbor. Register at johnjermain.org or call 631-725-0049 for details.