An East Quogue Ménage A Trois

To hear Alex Gregor tell it, when he and his wife, Megan McAndrew, first met at a mutual friend’s house back in 2005, he was trying to act “suave and cool.”

Being divorced at the time and “on the market,” he said he thought he was doing pretty well. Until he heard the widow say, “Well, if he liked me, maybe he’d pay a little attention to me.”

That was when Mr. Gregor said he realized that perhaps he was being a bit more suave and cool than the situation called for. After a few quick adjustments, he got back on track. And the rest of the couple’s love story is history.

Mr. Gregor, who is Southampton Town’s Highway Superintendent, and Ms. McAndrew, who is the author of two highly-praised novels, “Going Topless” and “Dreaming in French” are seemingly an unlikely couple. While Mr. Gregor is quick to tell that he never went beyond high school and the farthest he had ever traveled before meeting Megan was Bermuda, Ms. McAndrew is an Ivy League-educated literature major with an MBA who spent her formative years in some of the best schools in Europe. And while Mr. Gregor is dyslexic (“His spelling,” his wife says, “is atrocious.”), Ms. McAndrew speaks four languages and writes with the wry sophistication of a world traveler.

“Opposites do attract,” Mr. Gregor said during an interview at the couple’s home in East Quogue.

Now, throw another female into the mix, Frederica, a ferociously jealous parrot Mr. Gregor adopted 10 years ago, and you have a ménage á trois fit for a bedroom farce.

Recently, with Frederica frantically screeching, rubbing her master’s cheek and pulling his hair to draw attention away from the lady of the house, the couple discussed how they met and what drew them to each other.

In a way, Ms. McAndrew said, being married to a highway superintendent who has to put up with all the politics in Town Hall is perfect for a novelist.

“After all,” she said, “what are novels about, if not bad behavior? Bad behavior and redemption.”

Those who have read “Dreaming in French” will wonder how much of it is autobiographical, since it’s about a young woman named Charlotte who, like Ms. McAndrew, was raised in Europe, has various romances and intrigues, and eventually finds her way to America, where she realizes she’s always belonged. But the author insisted “it’s not autobiographical.”

Whereas Charlotte’s father is a lawyer, Ms. McAndrew’s was a successful business executive. And the character’s mother is a free spirit who gets involved with a Polish resistance leader, while the author’s mother was an aspiring actress who fled first to Greenwich Village, then to Brussels, Spain and Paris with Megan’s father. Moreover, unlike the fictional parents (in the novel, the mother is dead and the father is alive), Ms. McAndrew’s parents are alive and living in Connecticut.

But one cannot help but note the wicked humor shared by author and heroine. And there are observations about European and American cultures that are obviously drawn from Ms. McAndrew’s experience.

As for Mr. Gregor, he comes from working-class stock with a tradition in well drilling, he said. Born-and-raised here on the East End, he said he never gave much thought to the highfalutin things Megan was pursuing. Over the years, he worked as a dishwasher, equipment operator, truck driver and commercial fisherman, he reported.
“Anything to put money in my pocket,” Mr. Gregor said.

But Ms. McAndrew added that the measure of a person and his or her intelligence is so much more than where they went to school.

“I went to Yale. And I met plenty of idiots at Yale. Idiots!” she said. “But Alex makes me laugh, and that’s much more important.”

Laughter and repartee seem to play a central role in their relationship.

“We like eating good food and going to plays,” said Mr. Gregor.

“Alex,” said his wife reprovingly, “you never went to a play in your life before you met me.”

Mr. Gregor was quick to reply emphatically.

“Not true!” he said. “My senior year in high school! ‘Arsenic and Old Lace’! It was terrific!”

Humor is essential in making their relationship work, they said. This becomes apparent as soon as one enters their house to find Frederica perched in a huge 4-by-8-foot cage screaming “Hel-lo! Hel-lo!” while on the sofa sits Theo, Ms. McAndrew’s cat, supremely indifferent to everything that’s going on.

The banter starts immediately.

Question: “Where did you two meet?”

Ms. McAndrew (laughing): “On the internet!”

Mr. Gregor: “No, in a bar! I picked her up!”

Frederica: “Caw! Caw!”

And so on.

It’s hard to imagine a more unique household, or one more fun to be around. At least until the phone starts ringing at 4 a.m. with police calling Mr. Gregor about another road emergency. At that point, it’s every critter for him- or herself.