Moving Memoir Is A Journey Of Self Discovery

Wafa Faith Hallam’s book, “The Road from Morocco,” started out as a tribute to her mother but ended up being a vehicle for self discovery.

Ms. Hallam, who now lives in Sag Harbor, began writing the book, a memoir dedicated to her mother, Saadia Zniber, in April 2007 after watching the Pedro Almodóvar film “Volver.” The beauty of Penelope Cruz, who starred in the film, was uncannily similar to Ms. Hallam’s mother’s likeness in her youth, the author wrote in the prologue to the book. That and the relationship between mother and daughter on film got Ms. Hallam to thinking about her own sometimes tempestuous relationship with her own mother.

“... It was the intricate relationships between its superbly talented female characters that most affected me,” Ms. Hallam wrote. “Out of nowhere, the urge to tell my mother’s story overcame me.”

At 13, Ms. Zniber, an Arab girl, was forced to enter an

arranged marriage with a much older devout Muslim man. He was called “Bahssidi,” which means grandpa in Moroccan Arabic, by his close family. And by Ms. Hallam’s accounts, the “grumpy” older brother to the virgin bride’s crush, the more age-appropriate Hassan. The marriage, which resulted in the birth of Ms. Hallam and her siblings, was not a happy union; it was marked by cultural and generational differences which were never overcome.

But Ms. Zniber was a spirited girl, and, even though she was quite young, she quickly sought independence for herself and her children—boldly moving away from her husband and opening up a beauty shop while embracing the French attitude and lifestyle of the larger cities in Morocco, and later owning a successful catering business. She eventually divorced her husband. Later in life, she became physically and mentally ill—despondent and dependent on Ms. Hallam and her siblings.

But Ms. Hallam had inherited her mother’s spunk. Once she was old enough, she travelled extensively in Europe before eventually settling in America, earning a master’s degree in International Relations and Middle Eastern Studies and securing a high-powered position on Wall Street. The road was sometimes bumpy, though. Ms. Hallam felt the need to hide her true identity, especially after 9/11, adopting an Americanized name and keeping her ethnic origin mostly to herself.

In telling the story of her mother’s life, the author quickly realized that her own experiences would become integral to the book.

“Her story could not be told without mine,” Ms. Hallam wrote of the woman who gave birth to her when she was just a teenager.

And thus, the project that started out as a tribute to a strong woman began to take a different shape, and became a multi-generational story. The writing of the book eventually took Ms. Hallam on a much further emotional journey than her physical move from Morocco to America had.

“The veil over my eyes was soon to be lifted, for on my horizon was the dawn of my awakening,” she wrote. “As the light of the day follows the darkness of night, it arrived without warning or fanfare, in the form of a mundane telephone call that tore up the quiet of my home and threw me into the radiance of being, transforming my life forever.”

After a quick start—writing 10 chapters in approximately 150 days with the help of her mother’s tape-recorded memories, as well as the support of her sister, Nezha, and daughter, Sophia, among many others—Ms. Hallam had put down her writing. It wasn’t until after her mother’s death that she began to write again in earnest, finishing the memoir in June 2010. At that time, Ms. Hallam had quit Wall Street and was in personal, emotional and financial turmoil.

The stress of taking care of her mother, and the meltdown of the financial markets, took its toll on Ms. Hallam, which she describes in sometimes excruciating detail.

The book, Ms. Hallam wrote, came to “signify my very belated separation from my mother, and the rebuilding of my shattered self, a rebirth of sorts.”

Sitting in her inviting living room in Sag Harbor, with soft music playing and candles lit, during an interview two weeks ago, Ms. Hallam talked about her love of writing; the emotional and spiritual journey that she began with the telling of her mother’s, and her own stories; and where her mental travels have taken her. Writing and publishing the book herself was just the beginning, she said, putting her “naked” self on the page for all to see was another obstacle.

“The first few months my skin was crawling when people would say they had read it,” Ms. Hallam said. “I had poured my heart out, stripped myself naked ... But the response from people was so amazing, again and again. The only way to really own and accept yourself to the fullest possible degree is when you have nothing to hide and you’re completely okay with it.”

The author, who cites Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” as a source of recent inspiration, meditates every day and is practicing what she calls “living in the present” to stay grounded.

“I learned that the best way to achieve success is by not pursuing financial success, but rather the success of having friendship and a full life,” the former Wall Street advisor said. “It’s about staying grounded, living in the moment and harvesting the power of your own thoughts and mind.”

The author, who says that everyone should explore the journey of self discovery of writing is now working on a second book. This time the subject matter is clear, right from the beginning, she said.

“Understand that our struggles make us stronger,” she said. “Understand what matters to you and be true to who you are. It’s about lasting fulfillment.”

Wafa Faith Hallam will visit the East Hampton Library on Saturday, November 12, at 1 p.m. to read select passages from her book “The Road from Morocco.” Registration is required. For more information, call 324-0222 easthamptonlibrary.org.