Location, location, location...and lots of other stuff

There’s that famous old adage about the success of a business being all about “location, location, location.” It’s one of those brutally simple, and even more brutally accurate, truisms.

The restaurant business has a funny relationship with geography, often referred to as “real estate,” particularly on the East End. We’re blessed with some spectacular spaces that can, nearly on their own, ensure success. We call it waterfront. At the same time, because of the close quarters of our region as a whole, there aren’t many spots that are such a complete curse they could kill any restaurant—the obvious exception being the Starbucks/Greasy Spoon/Hiram’s Hot Dogs diner space on the highway in Southampton. If even Starbucks can’t make people wait 15 minutes before risking their lives to turn into oncoming traffic, no one else should even try.

Certainly there are locations that can make a restaurant successful simply by placement. Just ask the owners of Oakland’s, Dockers, East Hampton Point or any of the waterfront spots in the Hamptons—they could serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and they’d have crowds lined up to get waterfront seats on nice days.

And then there are restaurants that would succeed just about anywhere. Put the best food in the most invisible, out-of-the-way hole-in-the-wall and the crowds will still come, to be sure. The best local example: the Plaza Café. I’m willing to wager that if you moved Della Femina or Starr Boggs to the space that is currently Ziggy’s on the Bridgehampton-Sag Harbor Turnpike, the reservation books would still be full. (No offense intended to Ziggy’s, whose burgers are great, but it’s obvious they’re not in the weeds much, if you get my drift.)

There’s an interesting case study in location science in East Hampton: the Laundry restaurant. For a bunch of years the Laundry was one of those subtly super-popular restaurants that jammed in the summer, packed on the weekends pretty much all year round, and had a real following among the locals on weeknights in the offseason.

Short of being on the water, the Laundry’s space was nearly perfect. On the fringe of downtown, there was an ample patio for outdoor dining in the summer, and a huge, central fireplace surrounded by big comfy couches for the winter.

Then the Laundry just plain got tossed out by a landlord thirsting to make a go of it on his own. The owners, who had been successful in several ventures in the past, seemed to shrug it off and grabbed one of the biggest, most visible restaurant locations around: the grand former residence that was home to the Spring Close House and Farmhouse restaurants, with considerable success as both.

But in its new digs the new Laundry crew seemed to shirk just the sort of things they did at their former site that made it a favorite. They knocked down walls and ripped out the rustic wood paneling that had given the Farmhouse its homey feel. They bathed everything in eggshell brightness. It was fresh and airy in summer but cavernous and cold in winter. And they raised their prices—not that the Laundry had been particularly cheap in its old spot, but—boy, did they raise their prices.

And it failed them. Bankruptcy and now the departure of longtime chef Andrew Engle (for the kitchen of the former Tavern on the Green in Central Park) seem to be the final tumbles of the Laundry’s cycle. I’m sure Bill Bonbrest and company will land on their feet—as long as they remember that location may be everything, but it’s not the only thing.

Their old digs, by the way, are doing just fine. The Lodge has finally found its stride and a good following on the back of manager Mike Gluckman’s clever ideas—all-you-can-drink brunch, free food on Fridays, pretty bartenders—and chef Peter Thomas’s improvements in the kitchen this year. Gluckman, if you’ve forgotten, was the manager at the Farmhouse (spooky, eh?) back in the day and packed the place in the winter by giving away pizzas to the bar crowd. He took that show to Bamboo and hit a home run and is now again looking to expand his reach to a new—wait for it—location!

Yes, our beloved Bostwick’s is gone. Blame the Mendelmans if you want, but they have every right to get the most out of their property and Kevin Boles and Chris Eggert didn’t find the price tag (how’s $25K a month sound?) worth it. They’re going to bring the Bostwick’s game in some pared-down form to Cherrystones, which hasn’t quite found its niche, yet, and I’m sure they’ll be on the prowl for another new spot soon enough. (What about Twins Inn, guys? If anyone could make it work there, it’s you.)

And so Gluckman (and his army of investors) is steering the renovations at their new home at Harbor Marina. From the look of things, the plastic roll-up windows are going to be replaced by walls of glass, probably introducing year-round possibilities.

Elsewhere in East Hampton, the Mezzaluna experiment is officially over (good riddance) after, what, about three months in business? Randy Lerner has already got the lights back on and sent his chef from across the street at Meeting House, Tim Bando, over to fire up the kitchen, practically without missing a holiday weekend. Exile, as it’s now known, has the same look as the city folk had for their brief stint (did I say good riddance?) but a different crowd has already bellied up. The afternoon gatherings on weekends have been convivial (lotta pretty girls in Amagansett these days, ain’t there) and the pizzas and small plates are a fair addition to a hamlet already loaded with hearty pub fare. It’s too bad Mr. Lerner is such a good banker; he would have made a good restaurateur.

Next door, the new Latin place, D’Canela, in what used to be Café on Main, is supposed to be delicious but I haven’t been myself, yet. Every new Latin food joint is an improvement to the dining landscape, if you ask me.

And here’s a shocker: the perennial roll-over variously known as Napeague Stretch/Rt.27/Surf Shack is on the block again. That ain’t a location problem.

Other good locations: Barristers on Main Street in Southampton Village is still on the block. The price is hefty but it’s hard to argue with the placement. I hear Doug Gulija might be looking for a new spot, either as a second venture or a new location for the Plaza Café (see above for motivation). I doubt those two ships are going to do anything other than pass in the night, though.

There are some quiet shudderings in the much more stable world west of the canal too. One of the most prime locations of all locations is up for grabs this winter: the old Tierra Mar/Atlantica space, right on the freaking ocean in Westhampton Beach. I really hope and pray some talented chef gets his tongs on that place.

Expect news on the new tenant there to be forthcoming.

Off the Menu next month: news on Pacific East, Madame Tongs and, well, it’s a secret. Stay tuned.