In Hampton Bays, The Ultimate Outdoor Shower

Rich Scholer started to explain as he walked toward the large outdoor shower on the side of his home in Hampton Bays:“In order for you to understand the shower, you should really sort of think of it as a car wash designed for your body.” His tone was serious.

When Mr. Scholer and his wife, Susan, bought their small home in 1973, it was overrun by piles of sea debris and carelessness. But the two fell in love with the view—a panorama of Shinnecock Bay.

“It will probably help if for the moment you can start to think of your body of a Mercedes or a BMW,” continued the 77-year-old former state trooper turned self-published novelist. “For larger bodies, possibly you might think about an SUV.”

Opening a handcrafted swinging wood door, he revealed a small changing station with a mirror and built-in bench. A bucket of clams sat soaking for the Scholers’ dinner later that week.

“I had some orthopedic problems with my back and thought to myself, ‘What would be best for my back?’ and I came to the conclusion that pulsating water—hot pulsating water—would be best,” Mr. Scholer remembered. He said his handmade outdoor shower actually relieved him of his back problems and that he has been using it ever sense.

Water pressure of 60 pounds per square inch provides more than enough healing power from the 10 valves coming out of the second part of the outdoor shower.

“The two blue circular valves control the hot and cold water,” Mr. Scholer explained. “The yellow valve is open when it is straight up and down. With the yellow valve straight up and down and all other valves off, turn and adjust the blue handles so that the water is strong and comfortable. The water will now be coming out of the head at the end of the yellow valve only. This is the same as that initial trickling rinse at the car wash,”

After one has the basics, from the blue and yellow valves, he or she can test the other valves at his or her pleasure.

Mr. Scholer has specific specifications for each of the valves:

Valve #1: This is the undercarriage valve.

Valve #1a: This is for smaller cars that might belong to children.

Valve #2: This is designed for those taller SUV type bodies and is extendable per specifications.

Valve #3: This is the pressurized fire hose and is aimed at stimulating your upper and lower back at the same time—Ya gotta move around when using this one.

Valve #4: This is the final executioner type rinse prior to your being blown dry by the predominant strong southwest wind. Walk outside and this will happen,

Valve #5: This provides added pressure for the fender and tires area, both front and rear.

Valve #6: This needle type valve will stimulate the old wax or the nervous system depending on the body type. If this does not work switch to #8.

Valve #7: This is designed for various body types and again you have to move to position the body of your vehicle in a precise location to receive full pulsating satisfaction.

Valve #8: This is the high-speed version of #6. Not for the faint of heart.

Valve #9: This pulsates and your vehicle will feel rejuvenated after a few minutes of pounding on the shoulder wheel wells or in combination with it’s coumterpart, #9a, which will simultaneously do both front wheel well shoulders at the same time.

Valve #10: The hose—is just a hose. It’s good for fender wells, knees, toes, tires, fingers and hubcaps and the lawn.

Once one understands how the shower works, it’s really all up to the user. But the one thing the user can’t miss, peeking out through the doors, is the view of the bay.

“Now you are ready to enter the brushless wash. Please put your aerial down and close the windows. There are no optional wax offerings and we do not do interiors,” Mr. Scholer said. “Should you need a tune-up, alcohol is available in the house. It is prohibited in the shower. You should be neutral before entering the mind and body experience of this wash.”