Top Five Sassy Summer Rentals You Can Book Today

It’s 22 degrees out and we have just entered the Hampton doldrums—you know, when everyone skips town for three months including locals who escape to the tropics. Don’t think we don’t notice, people! Anyway, we’re going to speed things up and hop on over to spring, because apparently there are a slew of sassy summer rentals ready for next season. Real estate moves like retail: Christmas ended yesterday, and now there’s stuff out for Valentine’s Day. [Insert hair tearing emoji here.] So, find those deep pockets, and get ready for your summer of opulence. Here are five million-dollar rentals ready for booking.

Meet the grand-daddy of all summer rentals. Set in Southampton Village, this house made headlines last month for its potentially record-breaking cost of $2.5 million for anyone who wants it for only three months. A brief summer rental isn’t the first thing we’d think of if we had a few mil to throw around, but then again, we’re not exactly the target market. Along with nine bedrooms and 12.5 baths, there’s a pool, tennis court, private dock to Shinnecock Bay, a game room, gym and servant wings—which is probably the only way we’d ever get to live inside. Listed with Corcoran.

If you’re looking for something modest, you need to get your priorities straight. Modesty is for chumps! (Like us. Not you, you’re fabulous!) So, consider this 42-acre oceanfront property in Water Mill. Didn’t know there were properties this large left out here? Yeah, neither did we. To boot, the main house was apparently once owned by Henry Ford, that guy who founded the super efficient assembly line technique and, um, Ford Motor Company. Need we say more? Okay, fine, there’s also 12 beds and baths, a library, basketball court, and guest house. Listed with Bespoke.

This nine-bed, 9.5-bath manse is hitting the rental market for the first time, it seems. Welcome, friend. Perched right beside the ocean in Southampton, it sits on four acres and features an ocean-side pool with gazebo and a home gym. For $1.5 million from Memorial Day to Labor Day, the house is rather light on the amenities … where’s our home theater, our rec center and our wine room, dammit? Guess this means we’d have to amuse ourselves outside, with the tranquil, natural surroundings. Gross. Listed with Douglas Elliman.

Sagaponack is synonymous with pricey, so it was only a matter of time before we found a suitably swanky rental in this village. For $1.2 million, this, too, can be your (temporary) home. Bring seven of your besties who would each get their own bestie bathroom and have what we assume would be an unforgettable summer. Again, this house is a bit light on the amenities given its price tag. But there is a pool and private access to one of the finest beaches in the world. Ugh, again with the communing with nature. Do we look like tree huggers to you? You’re right, we are. Damn, you’re good. Listed with Nest Seekers.

Last but not least, meet an oceanfront rental that fits this listicle’s bill—lots of bells and whistles for lots of money: $1.2 million from MD to LD, to be exact. There are eight beds and 8.5 baths—including the one above. Would you look at that bathroom. You could do like five cartwheels before hitting a wall! This Bridgehampton home comes complete with an ocean-side pool and in-ground spa, a billiards and media room, smart home technology and, our favorite, staff quarters (should we ever want to live here, too). Listed with Sotheby’s.