Farewell, but Not Goodbye: Pastor Nancy Remkus To Leave Old Whalers’ Church in Sag Harbor

On Christmas Eve, Pastor Nancy Remkus will lead three services at the Presbyterian (Old Whalers’) Church in Sag Harbor.

The first, at 10 a.m., will mark the fourth Sunday of Advent on the Christian calendar. The second, at 5 p.m., will illuminate the chapel with a candlelight service.

And the third, one hour before Christmas Day arrives, will be her last.

In front of her candlelit congregants — faces she has come to know well over the past two years — Remkus will give her final sermon, tentatively titled “Reflecting the Light.” It talks about the importance of loving one another, of building community — in short, of spreading that light.

“I always say, ‘Cross the street, bake the cookies, take care of each other,’” she said during a recent telephone interview. “Be the light in the world rather than the darkness.”

The following morning, Remkus will step into a new chapter of her life — one filled with nature walks, reading, working on her writing and more. But her nearly 15 years in ministry, and lifelong connection to faith, aren’t over, she said. They will simply take on a new form outside of the church.

“I’ve felt like that was always my calling since I was young,” she said.

Born and raised as a Roman Catholic in Sag Harbor, Remkus grew up on a salt marsh in North Haven. She was a quiet and meditative child, she said, and a thinker — and she can vividly recall the moment her spiritual world opened.

It began at home, one day when she was young, with her grandmother.

“She was looking out the picture window at the marsh, and she said to me, ‘Thank God for your eyes that can see all of this beauty,’” Remkus recalled.

“And for some reason, that awakened in me this sense that God wasn’t just at church or up in the sky somewhere, but that God was all around us, especially in nature and all the beauty of the East End of Long Island.”

Remkus poured herself into St. Andrew Catholic Church, where she sang for three decades and led its folk group. And though she would go on to teach music at Sag Harbor Elementary School for 31 years, she also completed Pastoral Formation in the Diocese of Rockville Centre.

“Then the men in my class were able to go on to the diaconate — and I wasn’t because I was female,” she said. “And so, at that point, I realized that there were things about that that didn’t feel comfortable with me.”

She entered the ministry by attending the One Spirit Learning Alliance seminary in New York City and, after her ordination as an interfaith minister in 2009, she presided over weddings, funerals, baptisms and blessings — sometimes in churches but other times at the beach or in someone’s backyard.

Before her tenure at Old Whalers’ Church, she served as a guest minister several times, once for as long as eight months, while the church was in between pastors.

“It felt like more people were coming,” she said. “It was a more universal message for people, about loving each other, about taking care of the Earth, about what they see as God in their lives.”

That trend only continued when Remkus was officially appointed pastor in January 2022. Her goal was to help rebuild a congregation that has seen its numbers drop in recent years — a decline only exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic.

And it worked.

“One of the elders called it ‘miraculous,’” Remkus said, “and I agree.”

She answered the call of people who wanted to feel more spiritually connected to a power greater than themselves, she said. She built community and hosted new events, including the interfaith Thanksgiving service, which drew 15 different clergy and religious leaders this past November. It was “one of the most beautiful services I think that we’ve had, and we’ve had many,” she said.

And, perhaps most importantly, over the past two years, she created a space where all walks of life feel welcome, regardless of age, gender or creed itself.

“They can be in church and I’m not telling them what they need to believe,” she said. “I want them to come wherever they are on their journey of life, and then once they get there, they can listen to what I have to say. It can help them with their journey and help them with a sense of hope, and I think that has probably been my mission.

“So I might not be the real, you know, Presbyterian minister,” she continued. “I think I’ve helped people to maybe see things in a new way and open hearts to our unity and our connections and our community.”

As her anniversary with the church approached, the Presbytery of Long Island’s Committee on Ministry explained that Remkus would need to become a Presbyterian pastor in order to keep her position.

She refused.

“I believe that adopting a more interfaith view of the world is probably our only hope for world peace eventually, so I wasn’t ready to give that up and take classes on reformation and polity and sacraments,” she said. “It just didn’t feel like me. I’m not that young anymore, and I just want to choose what is aligned to how I feel.”

For Remkus, that will mean continuing to work as a guest minister in the area, as well as officiating life events, such as weddings, funerals, memorials and baby blessings — just as she had in the past.

“My path is an interfaith minister and I really feel the last thing we answer to is our own conscience, and I really believe that it’s important for me to stay true to my own path,” she said. “It was part of them saying, ‘Okay, you’re not really a Presbyterian minister.’ And the other part is me saying, ‘Yeah — and that wasn’t ever my intention.’”

Remkus said that she hopes the congregation will continue to grow and thrive, that Old Whalers’ will continue to be seen as a community center — a legacy that she strove to uphold.

“I don’t want to be a puddle of tears up on the chancel,” she said. “I don’t want to visibly be that sad. But I certainly will miss the creative part of the job, I’ll miss the people, the beautiful space that we work in. It’s just a beautiful building. So part of me is really sad, and the other part of me is very hopeful.”

After she hung up the phone, an email from Session — the local governing body of Old Whalers’ Church — landed in her inbox.

“Dear Nancy,” it started. “How empty your office felt last night as we gathered for our Session meeting. It is just so sad to read your pastor notes and know you won’t be our leader: spiritually, socially, administratively.”

It continued, thanking her for “righting the ship,” her insight and advice. They described her work as a “resurrection,” bringing the church from death’s door to one that welcomes everyone in the community.

“We wish you to know that your time with us has made an impact, not only on the congregation but the community as well,” it concluded. “We look forward to seeing you and sharing the inspiration you have given to us.”

Reading the email helped Remkus reflect on what she’d learned over the last two years. She certainly learned more about the Presbyterian Church and its beliefs. From the readings and writing her sermons, she learned how the ancient texts can often speak and be applied to concerns and challenges of today.

“I learned that community is not something you see, it’s something you feel,” she said. “I learned it is better and far more comforting to believe in something rather than to believe in nothing — and how we should all lean into the mystery instead of trying to unravel it.”