Shocked local residents have found a new species: “New Yorker panic sapiens.”
They look like us, homo sapiens, but their DNA has suffered mutations. They carry genes for selfishness, rudeness, greediness, authority, and so on.
It was discovered on March 12, or even before, at local supermarkets, Starbucks, and at Citarella, pushing three to five loaded shopping carts, standing in panic, with a look of despair, behind long cashiers’ lines.
This new species has emptied all the shelves, terminating our dearest and longtime friends: toilet paper, water bottles, paper towels, and, the worst, our very own weekly food!
The local people were confused when they witnessed this situation. Some turned around in the parking lot; others were wondering if they had mixed up the seasons: “No, wait … I am still wearing my heavy jacket, and the AC is not on full blast in my car!”
The New Yorkers panic sapiens do not care about either spreading or catching the worldwide nemesis, novel coronavirus. Probably, they will ask Amazon Prime to ship it away!
Please stay away from them — they are everywhere, gathering in herds at the beaches, walking their unleashed dogs, in parking lots, running on the road shoulders, sneezing (maybe allergy season?) without covering their mouths.
For the businesss that are profiting from them, great, congratulations! Hope your profit is going to local charities or the year-round workers who are out of work, and who knows for how long, struggling at home to survive this phase.
It is not time to be profiting, please! It is time to be united, to care, to share, be strong, calm, positive to move on!
To all, be healthy, safe and strong.
Terry Stevens
Sagaponack
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