In June of 1940 Betty Chambers, at age 17, came to Water Mill and Sagaponack to help serve food and beverage at my parents wedding. At this time, John White of Sagaponack was also asked to serve food at the reception. The two apparently took an interest in each other, and in May of 1947, after she had served as a nurse in the Navy, Betty returned to Sagaponack, at age 24, to help my parents, Helen and Mike Barbour, (her Aunt and Uncle) care for their infant son. I understand that he was a good-looking baby, very well-behaved, and Betty was a great help. I guess you’d say the rest is history, because that summer Betty and John began a courtship and in September of 1947 they married. After getting married, they settled in Sagg, where John worked the family farm. Betty , a Jersey Girl, settled in to Sagg, becoming a loyal farmer’s wife. She became involved in the Bridgehampton Presbyterian Church where she , for the next 60 some years was a dedicated servant. She served as a trustee, sang in the choir, was a member of the Newman Guild, Moyer Guild, Fellowship Club, and was very active on the Mission Committee, and the Board of Deacons. In 1975 she was one of the first two females to serve as an Elder on our Session.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived all around them and their family settled in the same community. John Sr. in his trousers, work shirt and hat, Betty in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dishtowel in the other. Sometimes she even drove a potato truck when needed during the harvest. It was the time of fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, the screen door, the oven door, the hem of a dress, things worth keeping. It was a way of life. All the fixing and re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing. Being wasteful did not mean affluence...if you threw things away there may not be any more.
When my mother died, I was struck by the pain that sometimes there just isn’t anymore. Sometimes what we care about gets all used up and goes away never to return, never to be fixed, never to be repaired. While we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken, heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage, old cars, children who misbehave at times, pets with bad hips and parents and grand-parents. We keep all these things because they are worth it. We keep best friends and classmates we grew up with, things that make life important. People who are special. Betty White had a great interest in holding on to all things that she felt were special. She served the Bridgehampton Presbyterian Church with a tireless dedication because she cared. She cared for the missions, the members of the church, the community and her family.
On our last day, I have read that God might have a few concerns and questions. An entrance exam, so to speak. He won’t ask what kind of car you drive, he’ll ask how many people you drove who didn’t have a ride. He won’t ask the square footage of your house, he’ll ask how many people you welcomed into your home. He won’t ask about the clothes you have in your closet, rather he’ll ask how many people you helped clothe. God doesn’t care what your highest salary was, but he cares if you compromised your character to obtain it. God won’t ask what your job title was, he’ll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability. God won’t ask how many friends you had, but rather how many people to whom you were a friend. God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, he’ll ask how you treated your neighbors.
I honestly feel that Betty was able to answer all these questions honestly and God was very pleased with her answers. People may not remember what she did, or what she said, but they will always remember how she made them feel. Betty made the world a little kinder, a little more compassionate. Her random acts of kindness benefited all of us.
on Feb 1, 2011