Frances Kijowski, Believed To Be East Quogue's Oldest Lifelong Resident, Celebrates 95th Birthday

A very special birthday was celebrated at the Stone Creek Inn in East Quogue on Sunday afternoon.

Frances Kijowski was the guest of honor, blowing out the candles on a cake to mark her 95th birthday. With an ever-present smile, easy laugh, and her trademark snow white hair, she was surrounded by family and friends who joined her to celebrate, tell stories and reminisce.

The birthday was significant because Kijowski is a vital part of East Quogue’s living history, believed by her family to be the oldest resident of the hamlet who was born and raised there and never moved away during the course of nearly a century.

Kijowski was born in the house on her family’s 116-acre farm on Lewis Road in 1927, to parents Julia Stachiw and Isidore “Mike” Stokojo, who emigrated separately to the country from Ukraine in 1910. By leaving their home country, the couple was pursuing the American dream, determined to follow in their family’s farming footsteps, but with land of their own rather than what had been the destiny of their ancestors — working land in Ukraine owned by wealthier families.

The couple first met in Riverhead, and were married in 1914, when Frances was still a teenager.

Julia and Mike became what Frances’s eldest of four daughters, Julie Tirrell, called “first-stakers” in the hamlet, buying 50 acres of farmland on Lewis Road in 1920 for $1,500.

The family continued to work hard farming the land after Frances was born, and established themselves, through hard work, as successful farmers, surviving the Depression era.

When Frances was 16, she married Paul Kijowski at St. John the Baptist Church in Riverhead. They moved into the family farmhouse on Lewis Road, and Paul soon began taking over responsibility for managing the farm. In 1945, they had their first child, Julie, and they had three more daughters over the next nine years: Katherine, Mary and Frances (who shares a birthday with her mother). They were all at Sunday’s party to celebrate the matriarch of their family.

Growing up on the farm was an idyllic experience, they all said, and many of them spoke fondly about that existence and those memories at the party on Sunday. Those memories were also compiled by Julie in a memoir booklet that was handed out to guests at the birthday party, along with a printed recipe book of meals and food that Frances, a prolific and talented cook, was known for throughout her life, put together by Mary.

Julie Tirrell put together the memoir after a conversation with Karen Eng from the East Quogue Historical Society, who asked her to share a few words about what it was like growing up on the farm in East Quogue. Julie joked that the request for “a few words” turned into a 30+ page compilation.

The land that the Kijowski family farmed on Lewis Road expanded over time, and they were not the only farmers in that area. Eventually, they leased the land to the Densieski family, which has farmed the area for more than 100 years and is still farming there today.

Growing up on that farm was never boring, and the memories the sisters have of their childhood there give a snapshot of what life was like in East Quogue during that time.

Strawberry season was a favorite time of year, and the sisters each had their own special trays for strawberry picking with their names on them, made by their father. Their parents would pay them 10 cents per quart to pick berries, a task they did in the early morning before school and after the bus dropped them back off at home. Julie said she and her sisters took pride in the fact that their father and the farm had a reputation for growing the best strawberries and cauliflower in the region.

Frances and Paul grew nearly every vegetable on the farm while raising their young children. Frances tells stories about hand-picking many of those vegetables, from string beans to lima beans, Brussels sprouts and more, during her childhood, while better technology and farming equipment made for less back-breaking work by the time Frances was raising her own children.

Paul gained a reputation for growing high quality cauliflower, a notoriously difficult crop to grow and tend to, but he had a steady and willing partner in Frances. The daughters recall seeing their mother and father leave the house when it was still dark in the early morning hours of October and November, bundling up and heading out in the pickup truck with machetes to cut cauliflower.

Many of the stories shared by family and friends at the party about Frances shared a similar theme, related to her boundless energy, seemingly unending patience, and a willingness to accept everyone, no matter what walk of life they came from. Guests shared that she was renowned for her cooking talents, in particular her penchant for traditional Ukrainian and eastern European dishes like homemade perogi (also known as pedaheh), Easter Paska and more.

When she wasn’t actively working on the farm or making homemade meals, often for large crowds, in her kitchen, Frances could be found working on her side business, making upholstery and slipcovers during the colder months when the farm work wasn’t as demanding.

Even as she has aged, Frances has remained sharp and stays active. She has recently been living with Julie in Massachusetts, a temporary relocation that was born out of necessity because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Before that, she was still living in the white farmhouse on Lewis Road, alone, but with frequent daily visits from longtime friends and extended family. It is still not out of the ordinary for her to stay up past midnight for a good, competitive game of pinnocle, and one of her granddaughters shared a memory of Frances teaching her how to play Yahtzee, and always having a competitive desire to win.

In the memoir, Julie Tirrell shared not only the story of her parents’ life, and their deep roots in the East Quogue community, but what growing up on the farm taught them, and the life lessons the experience gave them — the value of teamwork and hard work, essentials for running a successful farm; the value of “saving for a rainy day,” something that the unpredictable nature of the farming business will teach anyone; and perhaps most importantly, how imperative it is to be connected to both the earth and the local community.

“We grew up with a strong sense of belonging to our community,” she said, adding that the family always supported the East Quogue Fire Department fundraisers, and also was strongly connected to St. John the Baptist Church in Riverhead, which helped the family stay connected to its Ukrainian heritage and customs.

Julie also spoke about what growing up on the farm meant to her and her sisters, saying it gave them “a sense of place.”

“We have traveled and lived in many parts of the country,” Julie said. “But we know where home is, and our home will always be on the farm.”

One hundred acres of the Kijowski land is preserved, and the family is hoping it will continue to be farmed for years to come.

Judging by the number of guests in attendance at the party, and the reverence they expressed for Frances and her family’s legacy, it seems clear that those life lessons will continue to be shared and passed on.