By Edward Adler
The past year has been one of the worst 12-month periods in our lifetimes. The hundreds of thousands of deaths, the lost loved ones, and the fear and mental anguish alone have changed our world and society in ways that are hard to comprehend.
These were the fastest and slowest 12 months ever, and the rhythm of our lives has dramatically changed. We could not enjoy a drink or a meal with friends inside a restaurant. We can’t travel freely or share in our colleagues’ lives the way we once did. We’ve missed so many life cycle events and holidays. Our concept of joy and happiness changed.
Now, suddenly, as COVID-19 wanes and more people are getting the miracle of vaccines, we are awakening to the prospect of getting back to normal. Like Rip Van Winkle, we are reemerging and moving from “on hold” to “play,” coming out of a 12-month slumber.
Hopefully, in short order, we can see loved ones more freely, get a haircut, and visit a doctor or a dentist without worry, and maybe hug people. Businesses will be able to reopen, and the economy will bounce back.
Front-line medical workers, deliverymen and civil servants could never work from home. They have been out in a risky world from the beginning, and their heroic contributions to our lives cannot be calculated.
Still, there are those of us who were privileged enough to work remotely and benefit from being safe. Some of us are anxious about reentering our past world.
Logic would say that we should be excited and gleeful about returning to our former lives. Yet, psychologists I’ve talked to say there are those that have trepidation about our isolation ending and want to hold on to aspects of our “lockdown” life.
My wife loved the womblike home life during the past year of having her adult children and their significant others surround her.
David Dreyfus, a publishing executive, who has hunkered down with his two 20-something children, says, “The experience taught me to respect them as adults and dispense with the repeating messaging and mind control techniques that parents often used when they were little kids. It has been a blessing to get to know them as adults.” He will miss that closeness.
Although we were living during a devastating time, I, too, started to show gratitude for being around my wife and my children and their significant others, focusing on the realization that having this much time together is a blessing.
I remember, a year or so ago, walking around my office and seeing people waste hours shopping on Amazon, taking long coffee breaks, and looking at their phones, just waiting for the day to end. We have come to realize that there is tremendous inefficiency in office life, and that a new paradigm for working probably will emerge.
A recent CNBC article said that, following the pandemic, it’s likely that more Americans will split their time between working from home and the office.
“People will still gather for work,” said Brent Capron, the design director of interiors at architecture firm Perkins and Will’s New York studio. “But the amount of time you work in proximity with others, and what your work week looks like — I see that to be the biggest cultural shift moving forward.”
People who used to spend hours commuting relished using the morning time to take long walks outdoors and get ready for a day before they moved from the bedroom to the living room to work.
My wife told me yesterday that a fully vaccinated couple wanted to have dinner with us soon. I haven’t seen these people in 15 months — and I don’t miss them.
Shelia Hoffman, a Manhattan psychologist with a booming practice during the pandemic, says, “We’ve learned to stay away from people. There is a social anxiety to being out there again. People who like to isolate and are homebodies will find it hard to resume normal life. Many have steered clear of bad relationships.”
It has been positive that we have been able to dispense with seeing certain toxic people and change habits that were not productive. Ms. Hoffman says that enforced isolation has led to a pleasant “agoraphobia” for some, as they have shed relationships and enjoyed the choice of not being forced to do the obligatory things they did when the world was open.
Blogger Miranda Chantelois posted in The Mighty, a digital community for people with health challenges, that she finds herself “no longer burdened by constant interactions, time restrictions and long commutes. I’ve finally found the energy I’ve long desired for self-care, creativity and personal development in balance with my job.”
She adds, “I can’t say I don’t want the world to restart. Of course, I do — it will mean that fewer people are sick and local businesses can start to thrive once more. … I fear that everything we’ve learned about ourselves will too easily be forgotten. I dread the hustle and bustle. I’m scared of having no time and forgetting what it feels like to just be.”
I’ve changed a lot during the last year, although I don’t love to Zoom and miss seeing certain colleagues in the flesh. I’ve walked 12,000 steps a day, exercised religiously, lost weight, and learned new skills. I’ve taken a writing course and have had several pieces published.
As someone who was wedded to the intense, crazy and competitive New York City existence, I’ve lived in quieter places and learned to enjoy nature and experience an easier life.
Although we were living during a devastating time, I started to show gratitude for being around my wife and my children and their significant others, focusing on the realization that having this much time together is a blessing.
Many people will be happy to get back to a new normal. But there are some of us who have found life more meaningful during this time and will have a difficult adjustment.
Edward Adler, a resident of Southampton and New York City, is a partner at Finsbury Glover Hering, a global strategic communications firm.
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