VIEWPOINT: Fatigued, Fragile And Frustrated

By Shari Adler

In a completely unofficial and unsubstantiated poll among friends and family, as we head straight into 2022, I find people to be exhausted, sensitive and on edge. Mental anguish seems to be replacing optimism and energy. Too many daily life occurrences are being canceled, such as flights, theater, milestone events and various New Year celebrations.

Though most of us mere social mortals may lack influencer-status popularity, we still may love the company of other people and crave social engagements.

Of course, there are certain social conditions such as the job interview or crowded party in which we all might feel a pang of awkwardness or shyness. Sometimes, we are left baffled when confronted with someone else’s crazy, unsure of the proper retort.

Therefore, once in a blue moon, each of us may find a moment in which we may relish this elongated period of isolation in which social pressure is at an absolute standstill. To any unfortunate invitation, it is easy to legitimately respond, “I am scared of the virus.”

Yet, even for the socially challenged, and I include myself, I must confess: Enough is enough.

This New Year’s Eve, my husband and I were about to host a tiny little celebration dinner in our home for ourselves and a few other equally COVID-cautious couples. We would order Chinese food for those friends who prefer that, and Italian food for those friends who prefer that. We decided to table the fact that consensus was unattainable; our 24-hour news cycle has made us quite comfortable with friends having polar-opposite views, debating polar-opposite sides, and coming to a complete lack of compromise, ideological or otherwise. As a result, mixing pizza with moo shu seemed totally normal.

We thought this celebration could take place because during our time in isolation there have been several sustained periods in which we have felt a sense of relief and escape from the interior confines of our dwellings. The vaccines seemed to attain efficacy, while the masks seemed to provide an additional layer of protection.

During the summer and fall, the warm and mild weather made outdoor dining and activities quite pleasant. Once winter began, we continued to forge ahead, with our warmest clothing, dining in outdoor restaurant spaces, especially those enhanced by propane heaters.

Still, many people lost their patience and decided to relinquish COVID protocols for the sake of their mental well-being. They realized their limit had been reached on an existence without the comfort and camaraderie of others.

They traded a spartan social life for one that abandoned restrictions. They went to indoor holiday gatherings and events, they traveled, they ate indoors and socialized in large groups. As a result, our infection rates surged as people succumbed to one of the new highly contagious virus variants.

Fortunately, for most folks who had been triple vaccinated, those who became infected seemed to recover well. Yet, since our COVID story continues, it is causing additional personal anguish with its quest to a return of reduced social interaction.

In my own personal desire for sanity, I have returned to social media and Zoom. Additionally, there are other tools we can implement to assuage our mind and spirit, such as exercise, yoga, meditation, cooking, organizing, reading or writing.

In fact, combining writing with mental well-being is noted in the latest book I read, “Concealed,” by Esther Amini. Amini is the youngest offspring in a family of two older brothers who led the way for her to aspire toward higher education and financial independence — in a family whose values dictated that she marry, birth babies and maintain a home … such as her cultural ancestors had done for centuries.

Fortified by the confidence instilled in her by her brothers, Amini cracks the code of her destiny through her fervent pursuit of books and studies until she becomes a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with her own private practice.

At one point in her memoir, she quotes one of her older brothers, David, who advises her: “‘Writers,’ he told me, ‘are the greatest psychoanalysts, delving into the mysteries of God, love, hate, birth, and death. Shakespeare anticipated Freud by three hundred years. He recognized the subconscious — the buried parts in each of us.’”

Amini’s brother fostered critical thinking into the mind of his little sister. She says, “His inquisitive mind stretched mine, taking me beyond anything I had learned in school.” Their parents, particularly her father, tried to dissuade her from such independent thoughts, knowing they could lead her to challenge her cultural constraints.

Not only did this extraordinary woman become a female pioneer with her academic achievements, she also defied standards by divorcing her first husband. Ultimately, while in her seventh decade, she became an author for the first time.

In lieu of any foresight we may cull from a crystal ball predicting whether our virus is with us for another marathon or just a final sprint, Amini’s example informs us we all possess the power to overcome adversity. There will always be detractors, as well as catastrophic events, which will challenge our fortitude. Yet, we have the resolve to stimulate our inner strength and sense of well-being.

I consulted a psychologist who advises that we should form imaginary concentric circles for all the people who exist in our lives. Those who tend to spew vitriolic language or deleterious actions should be placed in our outermost circle; those who speak words of positivity and kindness should be placed in our innermost circle. The center circle is akin to our center of gravity, steadying us through the icy tundra of this ever-so-trying time.

I started to conjure in my mind a scholastic science project in which I pictured an Alexander Calder-style mobile, where students strategically place the sun, the moon and all its orbiting planets. As the students design the mobile, they function as masters at the helm of their own universe.

Our own Calder-style mobile, in which we place the people who encompass our lives, is a metaphor for the elasticity and placement of our personal relationships.

The crystal ball is our deepest wish. We crave to know how much longer we must co-exist with COVID. Still, whether we are dealing with a metaphor or a wish, the way in which we navigate through these challenging times is firmly in our hands.

We, uniquely, have the power to overcome adversity. And, in the end, like Amini, we will be stronger for it. Once and for all, we will feel less fatigued, fragile and frustrated.

Shari Adler is a resident of Southampton and New York City.