By Ryszard Krasowski
Among all the questions we ask, there is one that we use most. We ask this question because it is a custom to do it. It is a kind of polite greeting and at the same time a timid invitation to conversation.
This question also has quite a few variations. Which one of them is used depends on at whom it is aimed.
We ask this question and answer it automatically without any thinking and hesitation. Nevertheless, it happens that sometimes we regret opening our mouth. If the asked person senses our vulnerability, we are doomed to listen to all the problems this person recently, or in the past in his or her life, has encountered.
It seems that there is nothing unusual in this question and the answer to it. Maybe, except the fact that without a wink of an eye we are lying to each other. Because, to tell the truth, we do not care how the other person feels, and we do not think that the other person gives a damn whether there is a bit of a truth in the answer.
It happens that you see that the person you direct your question to doesn’t look good, that something is wrong, but despite that the answer to your inquiry will be almost always: “I am fine. Thank you.” But sometimes this “I am fine” sounds like: “Don’t bother me!” “What do you want from me?” “Mind your own business!”
So is it worthy to ask: “How are you?” “How is it going?” “How are you doing?” “What’s up?” or even “S’up?”? Is it worthy to answer: “I am fine, thank you, and you?” “Marvelous!” “Great!” “Can’t complain!” “Doing good!”?
However, there are some people who are very concerned about our state of mind. All of them work for pharmaceutical companies, and they work very hard to be sure that the rest of us are doing well, that we are in good shape and condition, that nothing bothers us, that we have nothing to complain about, and that we are happy with our lives.
It is enough to visit any drug store to get acquainted ourselves with their colorful products. Different shapes of bottles and boxes neatly filling up shelves don’t ask you how you feel but instead they seem to call: Come on! Don’t be shy! Get me! Try me! It is worthy! You won’t regret!
And most of the time we can’t resist, because somehow we don’t feel well, we are under the weather or we think that something is wrong with us, so instead of going to the doctor, we fall into the pharmaceutical trap set by people who seem to know how we feel and what we need.
It is also enough to watch commercials on TV with people who don’t need to be asked how they feel. They are all in seventh heaven because they swallowed a miraculous pill, which cured all the problems they had, so it would be appalling to even approach them with this kind of polite question. Unless the overwhelming side effects attached to each pill would force them to change their mind.
“How are you?” It’s also a tricky question, and we have to be careful how and where we answer it. If you work for a private company that doesn’t provide health insurance, it is always better for you to answer that you are fine. That way you are safe. The employer doesn’t want to see employees sick and complaining about their condition.
But if you work for a company that gives you health insurance, if you are asked how you are, you may let your imagination run wild. It is not just making a conversation. It is making other people sorry for all the suffering that you encountered. They will know what kind of pain you are suffering from, what pills you took, what doctor you are going to see, what would happen if you neglected all the signs of your health issues, how much will it cost you, what blood pressure you have.
It doesn’t matter where you are and what you do. The “How are you?” question constantly is hanging over your head. It seems that everyone along your way, whether you want it or not, is concerned about your well-being.
But maybe not everyone should ask this question, because sometimes it sounds stupid.
For example, a doctor. It is obvious — you are sick, and that is why you go to see him. So why is he asking you: “How are you?”
Someone just damaged the back of your car. Your answer to “How are you?” question is: “What do you mean how am I?”
The rest of your conversation qualifies for censorship.
Unfortunately, you were fired from your job. All “well-wishing” co-workers are concerned about your feelings with a “How are you?” Would they expect an “I am fine” answer?
And on, and on, and on …
It seems that the best answer to this simple question would be: “I don’t know yet. Ask me later.” That is a win-win situation — you make the asking person smile, and at the same time you don’t need to listen to all the vicissitudes of that person.
So … how you doin’?
Ryszard Krasowski is a resident of Hampton Bays.
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