By Shari Adler
In my youth, I experienced life in the environment of a New England small town, where Fair Isle sweaters coordinated with some iteration of plaid dominating the dress of the fall and winter months. Many people mirrored the appearance of their neighbors. Sitcoms substantiated a mocked reality of the appearance of a monolithic existence.
I recall passionately held political debates permeating holiday dinner discussions between my father and my aunt. Republican versus Democratic perspectives are vivid in my memory, but so is the decency with which these opposing viewpoints were portrayed. Even as an awed adolescent, I got the crystal-clear message that both family members were passionate about our country.
My father served in the Army post-World War II. He learned Russian through a language immersion class in California so he could listen to Russian radio, while stationed in Germany, and report the information he culled. It took him approximately four decades to divulge his role.
He always loved language as much as I do now, though my second language of choice is Spanish; rather than sleuth-gathering, I can converse with New Yorkers who are native Spanish speakers.
Both my aunt and my father believed in basic inalienable rights, such as the right to vote for all Americans. They would never dream that any American should be denied freedom of the press or religion. They would both stand for a condemnation of racism; they would support strong public education. They would have agreed that their principles were compatible, although their methods for attaining them may have differed.
Furthermore, a disappointing election result would have meant waiting four years. Lies were invented for specific purposes, such as to tell a woman she looks beautiful regardless of the truth, or to encourage an average child by finding the brilliance within and focusing on that attribute.
Between the staunch stances of my father and aunt, I never heard the vitriol that is so prevalent today.
In our almost post-pandemic world, our basic perspectives are being subjugated to daily scrutiny in a manner that has lost its innocence of pure conversation and debate. Everywhere we look, we see the ramifications of a profound disdain. There is an antagonistic presence percolating on the streets we walk, in the air we breathe, and in the water we drink.
Every person wakes up each morning as an individual. However, like it or not, we are all classified by group or demographic: a religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, nationality, economic class, level of education, grade point average, political affiliation, social club, military service, employment status, income, height, weight, property ownership, bystander, or activist.
All of this categorizing leads to a judgmental pinpointing, which occurs before sharing even a cup of coffee or tea with another individual. Thus, the impetus of the term “prejudice”: We prejudge those who enter our orbit without knowing who they truly are; we only know what they represent.
As we activate prejudice, the judging-without-knowing is based on feelings that are visceral and ingrained from years, decades, centuries and generations of stories we have been told. Some of this prejudging is played out with such redundancy that we want to believe our news, for example, is on replay rather than reality. We wish to disbelieve our eyes, but our eyes do not deceive.
Let’s ponder this. The pandemic has given every single soul on a global scale reason to feel discomfort. Universally, we have felt pained or have been agitated in some way on some relative point of a severity spectrum. Grief, fear, loneliness, anxiety, and disappointment have touched each and every person during the past year. Many of us, ongoing, are grieving the loss of a loved one. On much of our planet, there still exists deep suffering and loss.
At the least of our emotional suffering, our sleep is unstable. At the height of our mental unwellness, we have become angered and bittered. This has fueled the fire of some dormant prejudice and disdain, awakening it to levels not seen in decades. People seem to resist comparisons of a pandemic to any world war, but the resulting feelings and emotions seem similar on so many levels.
It would be nice if I could consult my father and aunt who lived through other horrific historical events to ask them how our country healed itself. I would have such a multitude of questions, they would be exhausted from their responses. They would probably each give me their theories, which would simultaneously validate and contradict each other.
In lieu of being able to speak with them, I thought back to that period of history. I considered what occurred post-World War II that helped to heal the country, that replaced hate with happiness. It was the birth of the Baby Boomers, of which my sister and I came to be at the tail end.
I did consult with a friend, Shari Fabrikant, who is a third-generation proprietor of Robert Fabrikant Inc. She said, “Since the pandemic began, we have sold at least 50 percent more engagement rings and wedding bands since June 2020 versus the previous year.” She claimed that there are many weeks she works seven days in order to impeccably service and meet the incredibly high demand.
In our own microcosms of life, I wonder if we can help a stranger, greet a neighbor, engage with a person unfamiliar to ourselves to ask someone else how they are doing. Then really listen to their response. Can we be empathic and refrain from judging? Do we have the inner strength to extend ourselves?
Simplifying negativity versus tolerance seems to belittle the seriousness of the situation. After all, each of us is a mere speck on our planet. We are justified to wonder how much, or how little, we matter. Yet, here is a simple realization: If your neighbor falls into a targeted group, but you do not, it only means your category is in reprieve or recess. We are all interconnected.
In fact, this pandemic has shown us how critical is the essence of the personal connection, how much we adore and crave education, work, camaraderie, and community. We rely on our friends, family, neighbors and colleagues.
By exuding kindness and embracing diversity, we can help heal the world around us and achieve something a vaccine cannot. Only this will have the euphoric effect much greater than that of any drug or vaccine.
Shari Adler is a resident of New York City and Southampton.
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