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On Monday afternoon, approximately 400 people filed into the Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center to say a final, somber goodbye to longtime community member and village resident Abbey Joel Butler, who died late last week. He was 75.
Born in Brooklyn in 1937 to Norman and Charlotte Butler, Mr. Butler moved to the East End in 1988 and quickly became a prominent member of the Westhampton Beach community, where he was a founding member of both the Hampton Synagogue on Sunset Avenue and the Performing Arts Center on Main Street. He is remembered most among family and friends for being a generous man who was always willing to lend a hand when needed.
“Abbey was one of those rare individuals who genuinely and authentically made a difference in the world,” Rabbi Marc Schneier of the Hampton Synagogue said this week. “It’s in the way he impacted, touched, inspired and ennobled peoples lives—he made a wonderful contribution to the greater Westhampton Beach community.”
Mr. Butler died from a gunshot wound suffered in his Stevens Lane home on Friday, October 12, that family members have described as a tragic accident. Suffolk County Police said no foul play was suspected in the shooting.
According to Mr. Butler’s son, Brad Butler, after graduating from Tilden High School in Brooklyn, his father attended American University in Washington, D.C. Mr. Butler said his father loved his time at the university and later spent 20 years on its Board of Trustees. In 1987, the university named a campus building for Mr. Butler, which still stands today.
“How fortunate we are to have someone so committed to American University and the advancement of our students,” a press representative from American University said this week. “Our alumni and students will be able to forever remember his continued support of his beloved Phi Epsilon Pi fraternity, and in the many generous scholarships he bestowed. His legacy will also remain in the halls of the Abbey Joel Butler Pavilion.”
After graduating from college, Mr. Butler became an investor on Wall Street. He was the president and director of C.B. Equities Corp. and co-chairman of the board and co-chief executive officer of Phar-Mor Inc. From 1978 to 1980 he spent time living in California, before moving back to Brooklyn, and in 1988, moving permanently to Westhampton Beach.
“He was influential in so many lives,” Brad Butler said of his father. “He had a tragic accident, but he has only done good in his life.”
Len Conway, another founding member of the PAC, said he would remember his friend, whom he met in 1997, for always being generous with his time. Known as one of the top benefactors of the PAC, Mr. Butler was instrumental in securing funding for the center when it was created 15 years ago.
“He was a person who was very passionate about the arts” Mr. Conway said this week. “He felt that celebrating the arts would be essential in improving the quality of life in the community. He was very involved in that effort from the very beginning.”
On Monday, Mr. Conway said Mr. Butler could be seen at several shows throughout the season, but he never missed a single performance when his grandchildren, who often participate in youth theater programs through the PAC, were performing.
“He always said there was nothing better then seeing his grandchildren up on the stage,” he said. “He loved to see his own family use the theater in that way—he was a strong advocate for building and expanding the children’s program and growing future audiences.”
Mr. Butler’s daughter, Lorin DiBenedetto, said her dad never missed a dance recital, theater performance, or football game when it came to his five grandchildren. “He was more like a father to some of them than a grandfather,” she said. “He had an unbelievable bond with them.”
According to Ms. DiBenedetto, Mr. Butler was very dedicated to his religion, and took great joy in walking to synagogue with his family every Saturday. Mr. Butler, who always sat in the third row, aisle seat, was a staple at the Hampton Synagogue, and according to those who knew him, took great pride in having been a part of the creation of the temple.
“I was always inspired and touched by his great sense of pride,” Rabbi Schneier said. “He was always beaming with pride.”
For the past few years, Mr. Butler had split his time between Westhampton Beach and Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. While there, he and his wife, Debbie, volunteered their time at Places of Hope, a privately owned, religious-based child welfare group. According to Mr. Butler, every Wednesday and Saturday, his father would take a car full of kids out for a day of fun at the beach, golfing, movies or going out to eat. Mr. Butler said it brought great joy to his father to be able to help so many children.
Mr. Butler is survived by his wife, Debbie; his children, Lorin DiBenedetto and her husband, Danny Vogeney; Brad Butler and his wife, Rosana; Adam Butler; Josh Butler; Julie Wolman Freed and her husband, Jared; Brian Wolman; and Danny Wolman and his wife, Justine Chasanoff Wolman. He is also survived by a brother, Mark, and five grandchildren, Samantha DiBenedetto, Joseph DiBenedetto, Andrew Vogeney, Jaclyn Butler and Nicole Butler.
“He was a real gentleman,” Ms. DiBenedetto said. “He taught me how to be a lady.”
A memorial service was held on Monday, October 15, at the PAC, and a second service will be held on Friday, October 19, in his community in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Mr. Butler’s name to Place of Hope, 9078 Isaiah Lane, Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33418, Attention: Charles Bender.
Erin McKinley on Oct 17, 2012