Christopher Engel's First Exhibition Since Cancer Diagnosis: Radiance — The Light Within

Sitting in his East Hampton office at the Ross School last week, Christopher Engel reflected on everything that had happened to him the previous year — the death of his father, uncle and the family dog, on top of a stage three cancer diagnosis — with a smile on his face.

When asked how he remained so optimistic throughout a year of such immense hardship, he replied that “it’s the only way to be. Be kind and positive, spread happiness as much as you can, that’s the meaning of life.

“What’s the benefit of not being an optimist?” Engel asked. “That stops you from moving forward.”

Engel serves as the Director of Community Development at Ross School, where he’s worked for the past 23 years, but he is also an established artist, and has been exhibiting work since the 1980s. His first exhibit in the year since his cancer diagnosis, “Radiance — The Light Within,” will be showing at Romany Kramoris Gallery this summer.

After the first round of chemotherapy for his esophageal cancer, Engel said he developed hand-foot syndrome — a reaction to chemo that causes swelling, pain and sometimes blistering of the hands and feet. Engel’s reaction was particularly severe, and lasted for about two months.

“I couldn’t move, I couldn’t walk, I got a rash over my whole body, so I couldn’t touch anything,” he said. “It was as if I had been in a fire; I was in pain constantly. I couldn’t do anything — I couldn’t paint.”

Engel added that he still experiences some sensations of tingling and numbness in his hands and feet to this day. But strangely enough, he said, the inability to move caused him to be in a zen-like state of meditation.

“I kept having visions of paintings, of painting,” he said. “I started seeing these faces, recurring colors and movements.” These visions would stay with him in the weeks after he came home from the hospital.

“It was as if I had to do these paintings, these had to come out,” he said.

Hence, “Radiance — The Light Within” was born. “Even though it’s dark, you can always find the light,” Engel said.

As soon as he was able, Engel began to paint again. Even though he was still recovering, he believed the practice of painting, along with daily walks, helped him regain strength, both mental and physical.

“‘I will not give in’ — that became my mantra through the battle,” he said. “The artwork really came from that.”

Engel emphasized that the support he received from his community helped him stay strong.

“This community that I live in is extraordinary,” he said. “What people did for me, and how they supported me was amazing. I couldn't have done these paintings without them.”

While the horrific experiences of the last year didn’t change Engel’s love for painting, it did change a bit of his process.

“I wear gloves when I paint now,” he said. “I never used to wear gloves, but it’s really important to keep my skin safe.” Engel uses acrylic rather than oil paint, the former being less irritating to the skin, but revealed he is allergic to all paint — the type doesn’t matter.

“I’ve always been a painter who works fast and furious because of that,” he said. “I learned how to paint very fast, to collect the ideas and then paint, run outside, get fresh air … kind of like a performance piece.”

Engel experienced no artist’s block during the three months he wasn’t painting. As soon as he returned to the canvas, the work just “flew out” of him.

“When I picked up the brush, the pain in my hands would stop,” Engel said. “I would forget it was even there. The mind is such a great tool. It’s amazing, the power of mind over body.”

In January of this year, Engel underwent an extremely successful surgery that remade his esophagus. His surgeon said it was the best surgical result possible. While he says he still deals with some lingering health issues related to the cancer, Engel “fights through them” to continue to do what he loves every day: paint and teach.

“It feels wonderful to be able to put up this exhibit,” Engel said. “It’s a triumph, and I’m thrilled.”

Christopher Engel’s exhibit, “Radiance — The Light Within,” will be on view at Romany Kramoris Gallery, 41 Main Street, Sag Harbor, from July 24 to August 14, with an opening reception on Friday, August 1, from 6 to 7:30 p.m. For more information, visit kramorisgallery.com.